Curriculum

11 Chapters · 140 Lessons

  1. 1

    Important First Steps (Don't Skip This)

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      Pardon Our Dust

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      FAQ

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      How to Increase Your Odds of Success

  2. 2

    How to Predict the Future of Your Relationship

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      What We Know About Relationships

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      Finding #1: It Pays to Stay Calm During Conflict

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      Finding #2: The Magic 5:1 Ratio

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      Finding #3: Avoid the Four Toxic Communication Patterns

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      Finding #4: Express Interest and Listen

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      Yes, It's Bad. And Yes, There's Hope.

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      Your Turn: Discuss With Your Partner

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      Next Steps

  3. 3

    Harsh Startup: How to Stop Sabotaging the Conversation You Want to Have

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      The Three Minutes That Decide Everything

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      The Fork in the Road You Don't Even See

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      What Harsh Startup Actually Looks Like

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      Why Harsh Startup Feels So Righteous

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      The Anatomy of Soft Startup

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      Real Conversations: Harsh Startup in Action

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      Real Conversations: Soft Startup Success

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      Watching the Transformation Happen in Real Time

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      Be Present When You Show Up

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      What You're Really Communicating

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      The Skills You Already Have

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      How to Practice When It Matters Most

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      The Long Shadow of Three Minutes

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      Your Turn: Discuss With Your Partner

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      Next Steps

  4. 4

    Gridlock: Learn to Break the Cycle of “Here We Go Again”

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      The Problem You've Been Avoiding

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      The Cost of Avoidance: What Happens When You Leave Gridlock Untouched

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      The Anatomy of a Gridlocked Problem

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      Common Patterns in Gridlocked Conflicts

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      Why Choosing Your Problem Deliberately Changes Everything

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      How to Actually Choose What You'll Work On

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      Navigating Different Priorities

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      What You're Actually Agreeing To

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      Why Structure and Support Matter

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      What Changes When Nothing Changes

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      Your Turn: Discuss With Your Partner

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      Next Steps

  5. 5

    The Negative Filter: Why Everything Your Partner Says Sometimes Feel Like an Attack

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      When Your Relationship Becomes a Minefield

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      The Study That Revealed Our Blind Spots

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      The Body Keeps Score: What NSO Actually Feels Like

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      Fritz Heider's Discovery: Why We See Ourselves So Differently

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      Why You Can't Think Your Way Out

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      How to Rebuild Your Friendship

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      How PSO Transforms Conflict (The Part That Changes Everything)

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      What Doesn't Work (And Why Well-Meaning Therapy Often Fails)

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      The Insider/Outsider Discrepancy: Why Other People Don't Understand

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      Building Your Way Back: The Path to Positive Perspective

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      The Timeline: What to Expect on the Journey

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      When You Slip Back (Because You Will)

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      The Gift You Give Your Nervous System

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      Your Turn: Discuss With Your Partner

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      Next Steps

  6. 6

    Flooding: What to Do When Your Feel Attacked, Overwhelmed, or Checked-Out

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      How We Go from Zero to 60

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      When Your Body Takes Over

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      The Three Year Reveal: Your Body Knows the Future

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      The Car Crash in Your Living Room: What Flooding Actually Feels Like

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      The Domestic Danger That Isn't: Why Your Body Can't Tell the Difference

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      Why Twenty Minutes Isn't Arbitrary: The Chemistry of Calming Down

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      The Gender Gap in Flooding: Why It Matters for Your Relationship

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      What Flooding Steals From You: The Casualties of Survival Mode

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      What You Do Instead: The Three Faces of Flooding

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      The Immune System Connection: When Relationship Stress Makes You Sick

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      Why This Matters More Than You Think: The Future of Your Relationship

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      Your Turn: Discuss With Your Partner

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      Next Steps

  7. 7

    Criticism: How Complaints Turn Toxic (And What Your Partner Hears That You Never Said)

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      How Criticism Sneaks Up On Us

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      The Invisible Assassination: When Complaints Become Character Attacks

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      The Story of How Smart People Destroy Their Own Relationships

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      What Your Brain Doesn't Know About Your Partner's Brain

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      Why Criticism Is The Gateway Drug to Relationship Death

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      The Five Sentences That Sound Reasonable But Destroy Everything

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      The Moment Everything Changed: A Story From My Practice

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      The Three-Part Formula That Changes Everything: The Soft Startup

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      From Attack to Understanding: The Same Problem, Two Different Outcomes

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      The Complication: When Criticism Lives in the Listener's Ear

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      The Legacy of Growing Up Criticized: How Past Hurt Creates Present Pain

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      The Four-Part Approach When You Didn't Mean to Criticize (But It Landed That Way Anyway)

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      The Conversation That Saves Relationships: Talking About the Pattern Itself

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      The Deeper Truth: Why We Criticize (And What We're Really Trying to Do)

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      The Practice: How to Stop Criticism Before It Starts

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      The Stakes: What You're Really Fighting For

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      Your Turn: Discuss With Your Partner

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      Next Steps

  8. 8

    Defensiveness: Why Setting the Record Straight Sabotages Your Ability to be Heard

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      The 60-Pound Cannonball: When Your Shield Becomes Your Prison

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      What Your Body Knows Before Your Brain Does

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      The Two Disguises Defensiveness Wears

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      The Hidden Message You're Really Sending

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      The Blind Spots You Can't See

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      When Your Self-Image Gets Threatened

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      The Practice That Changes Everything

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      The Two-Beat Pause That Saves Relationships

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      What Taking Responsibility Actually Looks Like

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      When "Yes, But" Means "No, Never": How Defensiveness Blocks Every Solution

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      The Long Game: Building a Defenseless Culture

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      Practicing Aikido with Defensiveness

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      Your Turn: Discuss With Your Partner

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      Next Steps

  9. 9

    Contempt: All That's Missing is Lighter Fluid and a Match

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      What the Research Revealed About Relationship Death

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      The Many Faces of Looking Down

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      Seeing It In Action: When the Same Issue Gets Two Different Responses

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      How Contempt Slowly Suffocates Connection

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      Why Contempt Grows: The Roots of Superiority

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      The Physical Toll: When Your Body Keeps the Score

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      The Antidote: Speaking From Your Heart Instead of Your Throne

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      Building the Opposite of Contempt: A Culture Where Both Partners Feel Valued

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      Recognizing Contempt Before It Becomes Your Default

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      When Contempt Has Already Taken Root: The Repair Process

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      The Choice Point: Every Moment Offers an Opportunity

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      The Larger Truth: Love Requires Humility

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      Your Turn: Discuss With Your Partner

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      Next Steps

  10. 10

    Stonewalling: Why Shutting Down Doesn't Actually Make You Safe

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      The Moment Everything Disappears

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      The Language of Connection We Don't Know We're Speaking

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      What the Body Does When the Mind Checks Out

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      The Shocking Discovery Inside the Fortress

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      Inside the Mind of Someone Who Can't Respond

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      The Physiology of Complete System Overload

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      The Cycle That Devours Connection

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      What It Actually Looks Like: The Same Fight, Two Different Outcomes

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      The Path Out Begins With Recognition

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      Coming Back to Engage Differently

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      What Validation Actually Means

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      The Relationship You're Building Toward

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      Your Turn: Discuss With Your Partner

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      Next Steps

  11. 11

    Repair Skills: The Secret Weapon That Saves Relationships When Everything Goes Wrong

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      When Perfect Connection Is Actually Impossible (And Why That's Good News)

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      The Five-Second Window Where Everything Changes

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      What the Masters Do Differently (That the Disasters Never Learn)

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      The Checklist Nobody Wants to Use (Until It Saves Their Relationship)

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      The Gottman Repair Checklist

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      When Repair Looks Messy (And Why That's Actually Perfect)

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      Why Smart People Say Dumb Things (And How to Stop)

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      The One Repair That Changes Everything

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      When Repair Attempts Fail (And What to Do About It)

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      Building the Repair Muscle Through Practice

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      The Practice That Actually Works

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      Your Turn: Discuss With Your Partner

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      What Happens Next?

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      Next Steps